


It's Complicated.

by LDaniels



Category: The Blacklist (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-06
Updated: 2015-10-06
Packaged: 2018-04-25 03:12:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4944574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LDaniels/pseuds/LDaniels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With the FEDs hot on their heels, Red and Liz pack up and head west to elude capture until they can figure out how they can clear her name. With tensions high, things become...complicated.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story was inspired by the plot-line for S03E03.
> 
> I do not own these characters.

**“Where are we going?” She asked as she and Red hastily pack what little they have into a small blue station wagon.**

**She knew that they were out on the far end of the limb this time; whatever the plan was, they had to act fast. Watching Reddington as he throws the bags into the backseat and carefully stocking the trunk with cases of water and a bin full of food along with blankets and everything else you could possibly imaging being able to fit into the trunk of this old little car, Liz could tell that this wasn’t the first time he’s done this. She can’t help but think that maybe everything that they are doing to her, they did to him. I mean, he was a naval officer, a respected man. Was he framed? Did someone set him up the same way that they are setting her up? Make him look like the exact opposite of what he was? And did he disappear, leave his family to try and clear his name? And if he did, why didn’t he come back? Obviously somewhere along the way he got caught up in something… _something._**

**“We’re going west. More into the origin of your roots than mine.”**

**“Nebraska?” Red shakes his head as he stuffs the last bin into the truck and closes the hatch.**

**“Not quite.” He walks around to the driver’s side and hops behind the wheel and shuts his door. Liz joins him in the passenger seat while she still waits for a more definitive answer. “Idaho.”**

**“What’s in Idaho?” Of all the places to go, why Idaho? She wonders.**

**“Something of a Haven for people like us.”**

**“People like _us_?” She says flatly. “ _Criminals_ …” Red catches the distress in her tone and he looks over to her and meets her eyes. The look she has cuts through him like a rusty knife. _He never wanted this…never wanted her to be like him._ But here they are. And no matter what either one of them want to believe, this is how things are now. _They are criminals._ And they’re on the run. And the only way they are ever going to get out of this alive is each other.**

**“Yes.” There’s a weary look on his face and the pit in his stomach deepens with every second that passes. Her gaze deviates from him and out of her window. “Lizzie…” He says , she doesn’t respond. He tightens his jaw. “Lizzie I’m sorry that this happened. If I could go back and do something differently, anything, I would. Id do whatever I could to make sure that this would have never happened…but I can’t.” His voice cracked and out the window, the tears began to silently stream down her cheeks. “I hate that this has happened to you. I hate myself for it. But the fact of it is that it’s happened. It’s done and right now there’s nothing either one of us can do to change that. But we can try to clear your name.  But you have to help me.” Red sits I wait, hoping she will turn to him and say something, anything. But she doesn’t move. He swallows hard and sits back in his seat as he stares down at the steering wheel. He looks over at her again before turning the key and pulling out of the small driveway and onto the road.**

**Day quickly fades into night as the endless stretch of road before them only grows longer. The later it gets, and the further they get, the number of lights on the road seem to diminish just as the number of people and cars seems to diminish as well. Pretty soon it’s only the two of them on this one lane back road to god only knows where. The foliage that surrounds them appears to swallow the car whole the deeper the head down into the valley. Red has the radio on just loud enough to hear, but quiet enough that Liz can sleep if she needs to. No matter what station he turns to the only thing that is being broadcasted is the ongoing hunt for two fugitives that have fled DC, one Raymond Reddington and former FBI profiler, Elizabeth Keen. Knowing that it is becoming quite degrading to her, and him as well, he switches over to a CD. Liz, for the first time since the left, lifts her head and turns to the radio as she smiles at the familiar music. Red looks over and sees her smiling and he cant help but smile himself.**

**“Let it Bleed.” She says. "Nice."**

**“You know it?” He asks. She looks at him as if he had just asked her if she knows when her birthday is.**

**“Of course I know this,” she laughs. “This is like my favorite album of all time!” Red smiles.**

**“Mine too.” He says. “I’ve always had a weakness for the Rolling Stones.”**

**Suddenly Liz feels terrible for giving him the silent treatment all this time when they could have talked and even talked about stupid little things like they are right now. As hard as all this is for her, she knows it’s just as hard if not harder for him. He holds himself responsible for all of this. And she knows that absolutely kills him. He wears his guilt like a caustic coat. Slowly allowing it to eat away at him and break him in unmanageable pieces. Because that’s what sin-eaters do.**

**“I never thanked you.” She says, quickly altering the tone of the conversation. Red quickly looks over to her before returning his gaze to the road. “All you’ve done, all that you’re doing…I never would have made it this far without you. Thank you…”**

**Without taking his gaze off the road, he reaches down and grabs hold of her hand, and for the first time, she returns the grasp. They enjoy the silence for a few miles and just listen to the quiet music as they drive further into the mountains. After a while, the long day finally begins to catch up to the both of them and Liz’s hand soon goes limp in his as she pulled into the soundlessness of sleep. Gently, he slips his hand out from beneath hers and places it back onto the wheel. He feels his eyes growing heavier and heavier. In his head all he sees is Dr. Pyle standing in his living room.. _You fell asleep at the wheel…_ He hears himself saying. The sudden thought of anything ever happening to Elizabeth and him being the one responsible immediately fills him with the urge to vomit. He drives a little further until he finds a small tangent trial off the road. He pulls off and backs onto the trail and into the woods, back just far enough to remain hidden from any cars that may pass by. He shuts off the car and sits for a moment, allowing his eyes to rest. She’s still fast asleep beside him. He opens his door and hops out of the car, stumbling in pain a few feet before stabilizing himself. _He’s been driving at least nine hours straight._ He stretches himself out, takes a look around and then walks back over to the car.**

**“Lizzie.” He whispers. Nothing. “Lizzie,” he gently shakes her arm and she rolls awake. “can you hear me?” She nods her head and slowly sits up in her seat. She looks around and notices that they aren’t moving, that they are stopped and Red isn’t sitting in the car, but standing outside of it. She panics.**

**“What’s going on? What’s wrong?”**

**“Shh, shh. Nothing’s wrong. We’ve just stopped for the night, I’m growing tired myself and I don’t want to risk an accident by trying to make it any further. I was hoping we’d make it far enough to be able to check into a motel but it appears as if I miscalculated. Even if I kept on driving, we wont get out of this valley for at least another two hours.” Liz takes a deep breath and tries to rub the sleep from her eyes.**

**“So where are we exactly?” She asks looking at the foliage that flanks them on all sides.**

**“Just south of Owensboro, Kentucky.”**

**“We made it pretty far.” Red nods his head.**

**“If we get back on the road by 5, we should be as far as Nebraska by dinner time. That is, if we just drive straight through.”**

**“What time is it now?” Red turns his wrist and looks down at his watch.**

**“It’s almost quarter after one. It’s only a few hours of sleep, but it’ll be enough for me to get us to Nebraska.” Red turns away as he yawns. He steps around to the back of the car and opens the hatch, and Liz joins him. “We have food enough for a week, four blankets, extra clothes, tools, and two spare tires.”**

**“I think for now I’ll just take the blanket.” She says reaching for the Aztec printed fabric. Red chuckles and reaches for one as well.**

**“I think I’m going to have a snack as well.” He says throwing the blanket over his shoulder, digging into a box of granola bars. “Would you like anything? Granola bar, bottle of water, jerky?”**

**“No, thank you. I’m too tired to eat.” She says walking back around to the side of the car, opening the rear passenger door. Red snags two of the granola bars before putting the lid back onto the box and closing the hatch. Liz looks into the backseat and immediately realizes that there is no way that both of them are going to fit back here. She looks up to Red who is already on his way back to the driver’s seat where he once again climbs behind the wheel.**

**“The backseat is all yours. I left a few pillows back there, I think they are beneath the left side of the seat.” Liz tosses her blanket onto the seat and climbs in, shutting the door behind her. She reaches down and feels around for the pillows and pulls them out from under the seat.**

**“Where are you going to sleep?” She asks, hoping that he doesn’t say he’s going to sleep where he is now.**

**“Right here. I’d much rather sleep here anyway. That way if something happens and we need to get going, I’m already at the wheel.” There is a long silence. “Don’t worry about me, Lizzie. I’ve slept in worse places.” She smiles.**

**She situates herself in the backseat. She was going to lay down so that her head was behind the passenger seat and Red could lay his seat back. Now, Red had laid his seat back, but she opted against her prior decision and instead laid down behind his seat. In a way it was comforting to her. She was just that much closer to him, his seat, hovering over her; protecting her. She could once again feel herself falling asleep and just as she was about to she was interrupted. Red was in his seat trying to open the granola bar and was making quite a bit of noise fussing with the wrapper. She figured she’d give him a few minutes; eventually he’d half to get it open, right? Right. She just didn’t think ‘eventually’ would translate into ten minutes. But, he did end up getting it open. Then she had to endure another minute while he crunched on it. Finally, the car fell silent and they both drifted off to sleep.**

**When five o’clock rolled around, the sun hadn’t even come up yet. Red got up and fetched two bottles of water from the back and climbed back behind the wheel. Liz was still asleep in the back seat and he didn’t bother waking her, he figured he’d let her rest as much as she could. They were back on the road and it was just after seven when she woke up. She climbed over the center counsel and into the passenger seat, awake as ever.**

**“How do you feel about stopping for breakfast?” He asked.**

**“I think breakfast sounds like a great idea.” Liz thought for a moment and was confused. _They couldn’t go into a public place, everyone would know who they were?_ “Wait, Red, are you sure that’s a good idea? Someone will recognize us.”**

**“Don’t look so stricken, Lizzie. There isn’t a place on earth where I don’t know a few people.” He looked over at her with a smug grin.**

**Red pulled the car in front of a small brick structure just off the interstate. The place was dead, not a soul in sight.**

**“So is this another one of your hole in the wall restaurant hideaways?” He chuckled.**

**“I’ve been coming here longer than I can remember. The owner, Timothy Robbins, was a good friend of mine in high school. One of the most genuine human beings I know, and he makes a mean French onion soup.”**

**“You mean he stuck with you even after everything…” She questioned?**

**“I told you, Lizzie. He’s a genuine human being, and a dear friend of mine. Now come on, I’m hungry.”**

**Red lead the way through the front door, with Liz sticking close behind him. A rather tall, slinky man with a dark, bushy beard came out from behind the bar, gun drawn. When he realized who it was, he immediately dropped the gun onto the bar and came out from behind it with his arms extended outward and a smile on his face.**

**“Ray! Oh my…It’s so good to see you! I heard the feds are looking for you, I’m glad to see you made it out.”**

**“Well, we haven’t made it just yet. We’re on our way to Idaho.” Red stepped aside to reveal Elizabeth standing close at his side.**

**“Is this…” Timothy started, but caught himself. Red nodded his head. He walked over to her and extended his hand. “It’s a true pleasure to meet you, Elizabeth.” Liz accepted the handshake and smiled.**

**“Its nice to meet you too.” She said.**

**“Please, pardon me for asking but, are you two….”**

**“Circumstances are…….. _complicated._ ” Red replies, looking over at Lizzie.**

**“I’m sorry, it’s none of my business anyway.” He says. “You guys must be hungry! What can I get for you? Anything you want.”**

**“I’ll have the usual, with a beer.” Red turned to Liz. “What would you like?”**

**“I could go for a grilled ham and cheese sandwich, and a beer sounds pretty good right now, but I think I'll have coffee.” Red laughed.**

**“Suite yourself.” He turned back to Timothy. “Make that one beer, the usual, a grilled ham and cheese sandwich and a coffee.”**

**“Ill have that right out for you guys.”**

**“Thank you, Tim.”**

**“Anything for you, Ray.”**

**Elizabeth sat down at a small table in the back and Red joined her.**

**“So what’s the game plan?” She asks.**

**“Well, as soon as we finish up here, we’re back on the road for another eight hundred or so miles. Id like to cover as much ground as we possibly can today, but as I said before, if we can make to Nebraska by dinner, we’re making good time.”**

**Timothy comes over with the beer and coffee, setting them correctly in front of each of them before disappearing back into the kitchen.**

**“I know it’s early, but with the last few days that we’ve had, I need a drink.” Red says taking a swig from the translucent green bottle. Liz smiles and picks up her mug.**

**Timothy comes out from the kitchen and the two plates in his hand.**

**“One grilled ham and cheese…” he says placing the plate in front of Liz. “And one usual.” The plate is set in front of Red. “I’ll let you guys be, if you need anything just give me a yell.”**

**“Thank you.” Red says picking up his sandwich.**

**"** **So that’s the usual’?” She says looking across the table at the strange looking sandwich in his hands.**

**“Its my favorite, It’s chipped roast beef and ham with Bavarian beer sauce on a pretzel bun.” He takes a bit and moans with satisfaction. “Oh my…” He chews it up and wipes his mouth. “You have to try this, Lizzie.” She scrunches her face. “Just one bite.” He hands the sandwich across the table to her and she takes a bite and hands it back. He watches intently as he waits for the jury to be reached. She widens her eyes and nods her head as she chews.**

**“Oh my, that is good.”**

**“I knew you’d like it.” Red takes another bite and groans once more. “And how is your ham and cheese?”**

**“Very good.” She takes a sip of her coffee.**

**“Good.”**

**They finish up their meals, finish off their beers and thank Timothy before heading back out to the car. The hit the highway once more and bear down for another full day on driving. They make it about two or three miles before the fuel light comes on. _They’re running on ‘E’._ **

**“We need gas.” Red says with his pursed lips.**

**“It looks like there’s a fuel station right up here, on the right.” Elizabeth points out.**

**He’s reluctant to pull off and get gas for fear of someone spotting either one of them, but at this point, he doesn’t have a choice. He takes a hard swallow and pulls off into the station. He pulls up alongside one of the pumps and stops.**

**“Lizzie, could you hand me my hat please.” Liz picks up the dark blue ball cap from the floor and hands it to him. “Thank you.” He puts on his hat and slides his sunglasses over his eyes before stepping out of the car.**

**He sets the pump inside the tank and waits nervously. Liz keeps a weary eye out as well. Just as the tank is nearly filled, Red spots the man inside the station on the phone as he makes eye contact with him. He clenches his jaw and removes the pump from his car.**

**“Thing’s are about to get interesting.” He says as he hawk eyes the store clerk.**

**“What? What are talking about?” Liz looks at Red and follows his eyes, she then sees the man on the phone as well. Red pulls his gun from behind his back and holds it close behind his leg. Liz notices and is unsettled by his action. “Red, what are you doing? Get in the car!”**

**Overhead they can hear the sound of sirens headed their way, and just out of sight, they can hear the blades of the chopper.**


	2. Chapter 2

**“Reddington! Get in the car we have to leave, Now!”**

**Hearing the sirens in the distance, hearing the chopper, it was if in that very moment Red had become suspended in time. He looked at Liz, she was screaming at him, but all he saw was her mouth moving, almost in slow motion; he heard nothing. He looked back up and saw the store clerk come through the door with a shotgun. Suddenly, the world came back to him. He quickly pulled his gun and fired two systematic shots into the man’s chest and he fell to the ground with a thud onto the pavement. Red jumped into the car and raced out of the station and out onto the road.**

**Liz looked over at him and she saw something in his eyes that she had never quite seen before. _He looked afraid._ But it wasn’t any kind of fear that she’d seen before. It was a fear fueled by rage. It was frightening to her.**

**They barreled down the highway, the helicopter was now right above them, and up ahead there was a blockade of armored police; all with their weapons fixed on them.**

**“We’re never going to make it.” Liz sighed. “Red, they’re going to kill us!”**

**She looked at him and his eyes were black. His knuckles were turning white as he gripped the steering wheel harder and harder.**

**“Put your seatbelt on.” He said flatly.**

**“What are you gonna do?” She said worried as she clicked her belt.**

**“I’m gonna get us out of here.”**

**His tone was frightening. So flat, so emotionless. But she trusted him. She knew that whatever plan that he had, cooked up inside his head, it was going to work. _She just had no idea how._**

**Red pulled his phone from his pocket and pressed a single digit and the phone began to ring. Liz couldn’t quite pick up what the man on the other end was saying, but she knows that she heard Red correctly. “ _Pull it right in front of them, drop the back ramp, and whatever you do, do not stop.”_ He tossed the phone into the back seat and took a deep breath. The blockade couldn’t have been more than 1000 feet in front of them now, and they were closing that distance... _fast._**

****

**“They want us to stop. They’re going to aim for the engine block.”**

**“What are you saying?”**

**“I have to turn the car around.”**

**“Turn the car- Red….”**

**“Lizzie.” He said looking at her with sunken eyes. “I need you to trust me. Can you do that, Lizzie?” She nodded her head.**

**“I trust you.” Words aside, he could undoubtably see the fear in her eyes.**

**Red swallowed the lump in his throat and took another deep breath. _He didn’t want to do this with her in the car, but he was out of options._**

****

**** **“On the count of three, put your head down and hold onto your knees, Okay?”**

**“Okay.”**

**They were both terrified. And they both knew if this didn’t work, that was it. Liz closed her eyes and focused on her breathing, she was trying focus, waiting for Red to give the count.**

**“One……..” _Breathe._ “Two…………….” _Breathe, Lizzie._ “Three!”**

**Liz hunched forward and in one swift jerk of the wheel and the emergency brake, Red had managed to spin the car a full one hundred and eighty degrees. He shifted the car into reverse and they were now speeding towards the barricade _backwards._ The officers opened fire and the bullets shattered the glass of the rear window, showering both of them with the pieces. Just as they were about to smash into the parked cruisers, a huge rig drives right in front of them, lowering a ramp down onto the road. Red hears the ramp hit the pavement and he pulls the emergency brake once more, spinning them back around ninety degrees; lining the car up with the ramp; the gunfire now raining into the car broadside. Red shifts the car back into drive, and drives up into the back of the rig. The ramp closes and just like that, they’re gone.**

**It was the perfect plan. Only the next step was to become a camelian. The rig speeds down the road, catching up to the flood of rigs leaving a rest stop. The driver manages to weave in and out of the mess of trucks, burying them somewhere in the middle. The chopper loses visual once they enter a tunnel.**

**“That was unbelievable!” Liz says jumping out of the car. “I can’t believe you pulled that off! Where the hell did you learn to drive like that!”**

**“As much as I’d love to sit and brag about what just happened, we aren’t quite finished yet.”**

**“What do you mean?”**

**“We are hidden, for now. But soon they will be setting up checkpoints, stopping every semi that tries to cross the border out of here.”**

**“We need a new vehicle.”**

**“Precisely.” They both step around to the front of the car. The glass shattered, the entire thing, riddled with bullet holes. “Strange,” Red says, looking at the mess. “It looks almost familiar.”**

**“It looks like Bonnie and Clyde’s car.” Liz says realizing the similarity. “Only we survived…they didn’t.” She looks over at Red who is nodding his head.**

**“ _Almost_ familiar.”**

**The rig travels with the pack a few miles down the road before pulling off at the next rest stop. The ramp opens back up and Red and Liz step out.**

**“Damn Red,” A rather young looking man says as he steps into view. “That was wicked.” They share an embrace.**

**“It was, wasn’t it.” Red laughs smugly at his stunt. “What’s the situation with new transportation?”**

**“The new vehicle will be here soon. But we are going to take off, incase the feds catch up to us. They will still be looking for a semi.” Red nods his head.**

**“Thank you, Charlie.”**

**“Take care of yourself, Red. And take care of her.” He says nodding at Liz. He smiles and quickly climbs back into the rig and takes off, leaving Red and Elizabeth standing there. Red turns around and faces the rest station.**

**“I don’t know about you, but I feel quite inclined to use the restroom after that one.” Liz laughs. And follows him in.**

**Thankfully, there’s nobody else in the station except for them. They both go their separate ways into the restroom and meet up once again outside. Just as they do, two identical green Jeep Cherokee Sports pull up into the parking lot. A man jumps out of one of them, throws Red the keys and gets into the other vehicle and drives away without saying a word. With the keys in his hand, he looks over Liz who shares the same look he has. He laughs and shrugs his shoulders as he walks over to the vehicle and climbs into the driver’s seat. Liz joins him in the vehicle and soon they are back on the road.**

**“Lizzie, could you do me a favor?” He asks, as he begins peeling off his jacket.**

**“Yeah, what?”**

**“Could you get into the bag that’s on the backseat and grab me a shirt and a different hat?”**

**She nods her head and reaches into the back, grabbing a burgundy polo shirt and a Red Sox hat and hands them to him.**

**“Thank you.”**

**While keeping the wheel steady with his knees, he slips the shirt on over his white t-shirt and puts on the cap.**

**“So where to now?” She asks.**

**“Well, it looks like we’re going to have to take a detour down to Colorado.”**

**“I think that’s a little more than detour, don’t you think?”**

**“Perhaps you’re right.” He says. “There’s a cabin in Denver that we can hide out in until things settle down.”**

**“How long will it take to get there?”**

**“A couple hours. Five at the most.” He says. “Why don’t you try and get some sleep.”**

**“I can’t sleep.”**

**“You’re not afraid of my driving now, are you?” He smiles and she shakes her head.**

**“No. I just can’t sleep right now. My nerves feel like they are on speed.” Red silently nods.**

**“I know what you mean. Mine do too.”**

**“So I guess that means we’re stuck with each other.” Red chuckles.**

**“I guess so.”**

**“At least the other car had good music to listen too…” she sighs looking out the window.**

**“Now, I wouldn’t be so sure.” He says opening the center counsel and pulling out a whole case of CD’s.  She turns to him and smiles, taking it from him.**

**The five hours seems to fly by with the distraction of the music. By the time they reach the cabin it’s nearly dark. Red pulls the jeep behind the house, out of sight, and lets Liz out to look around. It’s so calm and quiet here. It’s quite the change from speeding cars and gunfire, but it’s a nice change.**

**The cabin is old, nearly falling apart, and it’s also rather small, but there’s no doubt in her mind that if Reddington brought her here, it must have everything they need.**

**“Lizzie, I’d tell you to go on in, but I want to make sure it’s safe first. I’ll only be a minute.” He says as he shuffles around in the trunk of the jeep.**

**She paces back and forth a for a few minutes while he finishes up doing whatever it is that he’s doing. She hears the trunk slam shut and turns to see him walking towards he with a duffel slung over his shoulder and another two in his hands.**

**“Would you mind, holding on of these for a moment?” He asks, handing her a duffel.**

**“Not at all.” She says taking the bag.**

**She follows him as he steps onto the porch and watches as he hunts around for the key. Finally, he tips over an old kettle that’s sitting by the door and there it is. He picks it up and blows on it, dusting it off with his hands. He swings the door open, and tosses the bags inside. Pulling his gun out from behind his back, he steps into the house. He flicks on the light and Liz steps in behind him, pulling her gun as well. They move about the house systematically. Completely in sync with one another’s movement. They clear the last room and Red gives the okay that the house is secure and they can finally relax.**

**Downstairs, Red begins unpacking the bags while Liz makes herself at home by showing herself around, familiarizing herself with the layout. The living room, kitchen and bathroom are all on the first floor. While the bedroom, and the only bedroom, is upstairs, in a sort of loft area. The cabin itself, no matter what the outside may imply, is quite quaint. It’s very vintage, much like everything else in Reddington’s life. The furniture is rather elegant with the dark polished wood and the worn mocha colored leather. A record player sits in the corner along with a TV that doesn’t look like it’s been turned on since 1982. The kitchen is small; just big enough to have the essentials, which include a refrigerator and stove. The upstairs loft is very cozy, holding only a single bed on a wrot-iron frame and a small trunk that, after a brief investigation, appears to house a couple dozen blankets. And all throughout the house, littering the tables, floors and just about everywhere else, are books. Its not much, but it’s someplace safe.**

**Liz joins him as he sorts through the bags, separating his things from hers and also separating the food from all the rest of it. While she begins folding the clothes and places them into piles, Red takes the food duffel into the kitchen and begins stocking the shelves. He opens up one of the cabinets and chuckles with gratitude at what he finds. Liz watches as he removes a bottle of wine from the cupboard and places it on the counter along with two glasses. He pours a rather generous amount into each glass and returns to the living room where he hands one of the glasses to Lizzie.**

**“Here. Don’t worry about folding those right now. I’ll do it in the morning. It’s time to relax. We’ve had a long day.”**

**“Thank you.” She says taking the glass.**

**Red takes a seat on the couch and she joins him. She can’t stop thinking about earlier. How afraid he looked, how his eyes went black…she wanted to talk to him; she wanted him to talk to her. What was going on with him? She’s never seen him react that way before. It wasn’t like him. She was worried about him. And now, sitting there with him, sharing a glass of wine, in a safe place, she thinks this is as good a time as any to say something. But she doesn’t want to pull the trigger right away.**

**“What you did, with that car.” She smiles. “That was incredible.” He chuckles.**

**“Where the hell did you learn to drive like that?”**

**“When I was learning to drive, my father, he had a very _different_ means by which he taught such a tedious task.”**

**“What do you mean?”**

**“Well, he’d take me out to this old airstrip that had long been forgotten, so it was empty, all the time. Nobody used it.” He shakes his head and laughs suddenly. “Well, except for us I suppose. Anyway, so he took me out to the airstrip one day, put me in the driver’s seat and just told me to go! I had never driven a vehicle before, had no idea what the hell I was doing. So there I was racing down the tarmac and all of a sudden I see that my father had created a sort of _blockade_ with a bunch of old burn barrels across the strip. He wanted me to stop, knew that if he put something in my way that I would do something to stop myself. However, that’s no quite what happened.”**

**“You pulled the emergency brake and jerked the wheel…” Lizzie says and he nods his head smiling.**

**“And so suddenly, I’m still barreling towards the drums, but now I’m backwards. Just as I was about to hit, I ducked my head and drove straight through them.” He looks at her and starts to laugh. “So I jump out of the car and all I see is my father, standing on the side of the strip, and his mouth his just, hanging, wide open. He had no idea what to think. Certainly he wasn’t expecting me to do that.” She laughs.**

**“That may singlehandedly be the best story you ever told.” He laughs “ So what? You just kept on doing it for fun after that?” He shakes his.**

**“Lizzie, today was the first time I’ve done that in nearly forty years.”**

**“Please, tell me you’re joking.” He shakes his head and she scoffs. “Jesus, Red.”**

**“Trust me if I had any other options, I wouldn’t have done it.”**

**“Well, it worked. We got away.”**

**“Yes. We did.” He brings the glass to his lips.**

**She takes a drink and holds in in her lap, staring down into the blood red liquid, looking at her reflection. She knows that if she doesn’t fill the silence soon, he will. And then she may never have another chance to ask him about what happened at the gas station. And she knows, that if she doesn’t ask him right now, she won’t sleep.**

**“Can I ask you something?” she says, tracing her finger along the rim of her glass.**

**“Of course. You can ask me anything.”**

**“Today, at the gas station.” She begins. “What happened?”**

**“I’m not sure I understand what you mean, Lizzie.”**

**“You froze…It was almost like you left reality for a few moments.” She looked at him. “You looked _afraid._ ” Red looked away from her and down into his glass. **

**“I was afraid.”**

**“Why?” She asked. “You’re Raymond Reddington. You aren’t afraid of anything.”**

**“That’s where you’re wrong. There are things that I am afraid of.”**

**“Is this about me?” She says, softening her tone.**

**“Yes.”**

**“You’re afraid of what? Losing me? Letting me down? Hurting me?” He says nothing. “Or is this about my mother? Are you afraid that if something happens to me you’ll be letting her down? Why do you feel so responsible for what happens to me?”**

**“Because I _am_ responsible for what happens to you.”**

**“Why? Why are you so conflicted about me?”**

**“I’m supposed to keep you safe. To protect you and to be there for you and to watch over you.”**

**“According to who, Red? Who told you that? Was it my mother? Did she tell you to look after me?”**

**“Lizzie-“**

**“No. Red, please. I need answers.”**

**“Sam.” He says flatly.**

**“What did you say?” She says softly.**

**“I promised Sam that I would take care of you. I gave him my word. And I failed.” He takes a sip from his glass and bites the inside of his mouth.**

**She suddenly drops the defensive tone.**

**“How can you say you failed when the only reason I’m still alive is because of you.” He looks at her and his heart sinks. “Red, you haven’t failed anyone. Not me and especially not Sam.” She says. “What you’ve done for me…all that’s happening,” she shakes her head. “I don’t think I could handle any of it without you.” He nods and looks at her quickly before returning his gaze to the wall. His smile is sharp, and painful.**

**“I only wish circumstances were different.” He sighs.**

**“Well, If it makes you feel any better, being a fugitive isn’t all that bad. I can actually sleep in now.” She says whatever she can, desperately trying to lighten the tone of the situation. But it’s useless.**

**“It’s not even that…” He shakes his head, pushing on his cheek with his tongue.**

**“Then what?”**

**“It’s complicated.”**

**“It doesn’t have to be...”**

**“No…perhaps it doesn’t.”**

**The house fell silent as she waited for him to say something more, but he doesn’t.**

**“You know, when I was little I never would have imagined this was what my life would be.”**

**Red turned to her and subtly lifted his arm, opening a space for her to fall into. _And she did._ She closed her eyes and listened to the sound of his heart thumping inside his chest.**

**“What is it, sweetheart?”**

**“I don’t want to be afraid.”**

**He kissed the top of her head and rested his lips against her temple. He didn’t say anything, instead he let the silence envelop them. In that moment, nothing could tough them. They were invincible. And laying in his arm, she felt like she could conquer the world.**

**Soon, the steady beat of his heart and the soothing rise and fall of his chest was putting her to sleep. She didn’t want to intrude in his space, and for fear she might fall asleep in his lap, she got up. And when she did, she felt him jerk. _He was already asleep._**

**“I’m going to go up and try to get some sleep. Are you coming?”**

**“No, go ahead. I think I’ll sleep down here.” She didn’t expect his response to hit her the way it did.**

**“Are you sure?” She asks, almost _hoping_ that he’d change his mind. _But why?_**

****

**“Yes. Go, the bed is all yours. I’ll be fine down here.”**

**She finished her glass of wine and got from the couch and started up the stairs to go to sleep, when he finally spoke.**

**“Thank you.” She stopped. “For trusting me. I know sometimes it can be very difficult to.”**

**She stood there on the steps for a few moments. Instead of saying ‘you’re welcome’ she just climbs the rest of the stairs and curls under the cool sheets of the bed.**

**She stares up at the ceiling, the paint peeling off the walls, the cobwebs hanging like Christmas lights between the beams. She turns over on to her side and places her hand inside the other, covering her scar. _It worries her, the pit in her stomach._ She doesn’t know what the feeling is, she just knows that it’s killing her. It feels like she’s suffocating. And right now, after all that’s happened today, the only thing she wants is for him to be lying next to her. She just wants him to be close to her. She doesn’t necessarily want him to hold her, she just wants him there.**

**Red lays back on the couch, with his ankles crossed and his fingers laced overtop his breast, he looks to be content; _but he’s not._ Inside, he’s falling apart. It terrifies him. This feeling of overwhelming anxiety and fear of how all this will end. It’s crippling. And today at the gas station showed just how much it’s beginning to affect him. How can he be the one she can count on when he himself is beginning to doubt his ability to cope; And why all of a sudden? He’s done this before. He’s been on the run the majority of his life. Why, just now, are things falling apart? Then he realizes that there is only one logical explanation. _Elizabeth Keen._ It’s her. He’s reluctant to even admit it to himself but it’s because of the feelings he holds towards her that everything is falling apart. He’s losing his grip. And as much as it pains him to admit, _he needs her._ And right now, all he wants is to be up in that bed lying next to her. But instead, he allows himself to drown in this haze. It covers him like a filth, setting in like a fever. _He has to keep her safe. He must._                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               **


End file.
